Moving Past a Church Hurt

Moving Past a Church Hurt

 Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News~ Philippians 4:2-3 NLT

 Church hurt happens. A lot.

 Church hurt comes in all shapes and sizes. Church hurt can be born out of something as simple as an unresolved conflict or disagreement. It can happen when we feel overlooked or marginalized by Christians we assumed were our friends or Christians we wished were our friends. Church hurt rears its ugly head anytime we discover we have become the target of gossip. By far, the nastiest and most damaging form of church hurt comes at the hands of so-called shepherds (Isaiah 56:11). False teachers, who use and abuse their spiritual authority to control, manipulate, defraud or sexually exploit those they have been tasked with caring for.

 How deeply we are wounded by church hurt is dependent on a whole slew of factors. Including, but not limited to how new to the faith we were when the offense occurred, our over-all maturity level at the time of the hurt, the gravity of the offense that occurred and the willingness on the part of the offender to own their part in the hurt.

 Church hurt is the primary cause of spiritual shipwrecks and church dropouts. I know from experience that church hurt is practically inevitable, however it does not have to devastate our lives or destroy our faith. How and why people get hurt in the church is far less important than how they handle the ensuing hurt. In the interest of preventing anymore spiritual disasters, today I am going to give four (very basic) guidelines for recovering from most church hurts.

 First:

 Don’t misplace blame-

 Healing from hurt can only occur if we embrace the truth that Jesus did not CAUSE our hurt. Another Christian (or someone who claimed to be a Christian) hurt you and caused the pain you are feeling, not God. Too many Christians never recover from church hurt because they insist on blaming God for things He had nothing do with.

 Honestly assess your level hurt-

 There are things that are never okay. No one should causally dismiss abuse, embezzlement, or vicious slander. Nor should we demand someone who has been wounded by say, sexual abuse in the church to “just get over it”. Big hurts (like sexual abuse) require special attention and time to heal. That said, there are other forms of church hurt like petty disputes, being treated rudely, or feeling excluded, that are very real and painful, but also simply need to be put in perspective. Sadly, being a follower of Jesus does not automatically mean that a person will never be rude, self-serving, insensitive, flakey, or stupid. We are all guilty of those particular sins from time-to-time and we ought to give grace accordingly (Proverbs 19:11).

 (Almost) always make an attempt at reconciliation-

 There are cases of severe abuse where attempts at reconciliation (being friends again) are ill advised and even dangerous. That said, in most cases if you cannot simply forgive and move on, an honest conversation to clear the air is in order (Matthew 18:15). The key to making these conversations productive is a heartfelt desire to restore the relationship rather than a desire to punish, prove a point, or justify your feelings (no matter how justified they may be).

 Don’t get stuck-

 It’s normal to be angry when we’ve suffered a hurt at the hands of a fellow believer and it’s healthy to grieve hurt. However, it’s not healthy to stay stuck in perpetual state of woundedness (Yes. I made that word up.). Staying stuck in anger inevitably leads to bitterness and bitterness ruins us (Hebrews 12:15). Reconciliation may or may not be advised, but with Jesus, forgiveness is always possible (Matthew 6:15). Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It will likely take time and may require some help from a wise and mature friend, Christian counselor, or pastor to work through. Get help if you need it. The health of your soul and your usefulness to the Kingdom is at stake here.  

 Church hurt is as old as church. Paul, Peter, Mark, Euodia, and Syntyche were Bible characters who all experienced serious church hurt. (2nd Timothy 4:14, Galatians 2:11-14, Acts 15:39, Philippians 4:2-3). All of these men and women also all recovered from their hurt and went on to do great things for the Kingdom of God because they chose the tough but life-giving path of forgiveness, grace, and reconciliation.

 

Five Ways our Generation has Screwed-up Prayer

Five Ways our Generation has Screwed-up Prayer

This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread”~ Matthew 6:9-11 NIV

 This week I got to enjoy a very long lunch with an old friend. This particular friend is not just an old friend in the sense that we have known each other a long time. She is also an old friend in the sense that she is a good bit older than I am. I don’t know if it’s because she’s older or if it’s because she’s acquired some wisdom in life (or a combination of the two), but this woman never fails to challenge me. The truly maddening thing is that I’m fairly certain she does it without even trying.

 This visit was no exception.

 We spent some time catching-up on our families and grumbling about all the madness in the world, then we moved on to the topic of church and ministry. I shared a little bit about what’s going on in my life right now, she shared what she’s doing and a couple of “back in the day” stories.

 I will not lie.

 There was a time (to my eternal shame) when I would sigh quietly anytime an older Christian began to wax eloquent about how ministry was done “back in the day”. I assumed (like all youthful fools) that there was nothing significant to be learned from how church or ministry was done in the past. However, my generations’ complete and utter failure to make meaningful spiritual inroads into to our culture has humbled me a bit. I am now much more inclined to listen to those with a few years on me.

 It didn’t take long for me to recognize that all of her stories had a shared theme. The theme did not include tales of strategic outreach, careful planning or exciting gimmicks used to lure the unsaved into church buildings or a relationship with Jesus. Rather, the common denominator to all her stories was prayer. In every story she told, Christians prayed really hard and then crazy-cool stuff would happen, hearts changed, non-Christians became Christians, sin got confessed and repented of, and miracles took place. By the end of our lunch I was deeply convicted that our generation has forgotten how to pray and screwed-up the concept of prayer in at least five ways.

 Beginning with:

 We plan instead of pray-

 I am a planner. One of my favorite adages (much to the chagrin of my children) is “failure to plan is planning to fail”. I have even been accused of over-planning a time or two. That said, I suspect we might see more success in our churches and at our events if we spent at least as much time praying for events and services as we do planning for them.

 We just don’t do it-

 According to a bunch of self-surveys I looked at, the average Christian admits to spending less than three minutes a day in prayer. The ugly underbelly of that already ugly fact is that it tells us that at least half of all Christians pray for less than three minutes a day.  

 We don’t really believe anything will happen when we do pray-

 Over and over again in the New Testament we are told that God is much more inclined to answer prayer when the person praying actually believes that something will happen because they prayed. I will be the first to admit that God does not answer all our prayers the way we want Him to answer our prayers. However, that does not mean we should stop believing that God will answer when we do pray.  

 We pray for dumb stuff-

 I know I’m going to get some flak for this one. But seriously, the world is going to hell right in front of us (literally and figuratively) and I have been at prayer meetings where people requested prayer for the health of their pets and for a relaxing vacation. God does care about pets and rest (He cares about everything). However, I suspect He cares more about the souls of the lost and is more inclined to answer in the affirmative when we pray about stuff that actually matters.  

 We don’t pray corporately-

 Even when we do gather to pray corporately, most of the time we wander off by our selves and pray alone. I’m pretty sure that’s not what Jesus had in mind when He talked about “two or three being gathered” in His name.

 I think our generation has screwed-up prayer because we have lost touch with the purpose of prayer. Prayer is not about getting God to do the stuff we want or getting stuff from God. Prayer is about getting our purposes aligned with His and getting the spiritual power we need to do the stuff that really matters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sticks and Stones and The Insanity of Words

Sticks and Stones and The Insanity of Words

 They are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between people of corrupt mind~ 1st Timothy 6:4-5a NIV

 One of the stranger things about growing older is that it is possible to look back in retrospect and identify exactly when a cultural sea change began to take place in society. This is true even in cases where it was impossible to understand the significance of the change at the time it was happening.

 One of the more remarkable changes that has taken place over the course of my lifetime as been our take on the subject of words and language. When I was a kid nobody cared all that much about the correctness or incorrectness of words. People just said what they wanted to say and everybody was expected to get over any hurt feelings that resulted. We were taught very early on in life to say:

 “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”

 Admittedly, it was not the most politically correct limerick to teach to sensitive little children. But in those days political correctness didn’t exist yet and the rhyme had the effect it was intended to have. Kids (and grown-ups) rarely made much over the insensitive, mean or inconsiderate words of others.

 People were just expected to get over stuff.

 All that began to change in the late eighties and early nineties. I distinctly remember a church service in my twenties where the Pastor preached a sermon on the potentially hurtful consequences of words. He recited the above-mentioned rhyme and informed us that everything we had been taught about words as children was a terrible lie. He made the point that words do indeed hurt and can leave emotional scars. He closed the sermon by encouraging his flock to be mindful of their words because words are powerful and potentially hurtful.

 I had never heard such a thing before in all my life. Seriously, it was all new news to me.

 It was just the beginning.

 Out of nowhere there was a crusade to change the way Americans spoke and perceived language. There were public service announcements on the dangers of harsh words and verbal abuse. Talk show hosts showcased guests who had been wounded by the cruel words of classmates and parents. Pop-culture gurus like Dr. Phil and Dr. Laura began educating the public on the dangers of dehumanizing and brutal words. Concern over bullying in schools and workplaces became a thing. As a result using racist, sexist or just plain mean language became taboo in schools and most workplaces.

 In the beginning I was very much on board with the collective sensitivity training. I believed then and still do that people should choose their words wisely. No one should ever intentionally wound another person unnecessarily with harsh or cruel words. Verbal abuse and bigoted or sexist language is simply not okay. Ever.

 That said.

 People have managed to take a good idea to a ridiculous and possibly perilous place. Not only is it no longer okay to use obviously insensitive or bigoted language, it’s no longer okay to say anything that might possibly hurt another person’s feelings (even if what is being said is clearly true and desperately needs to be said). Every word uttered is vigilantly scrutinized for obvious as well as incidental offense. Individuals (no matter their maturity level) get to decide for themselves what is hurtful; therefore anything and everything can be construed as hurtful.

 The result of this collective insanity has been two-fold. First, we have produced a population of ignorant, narcissistic, panty-waisted crybabies who are so pre-occupied about the effects that other people’s words have on their feelings that they cannot function outside of their own carefully constructed safe-spaces. Not only is this quite clearly sad, it could easily be our downfall. A nation of self-indulgent crybabies cannot possibly remain a nation for long.

 Secondly, it is no longer okay to say anything at all unless it’s affirmative and makes everyone feel good about their choices, no matter how wrong or ridiculous those choices might be. Our absurd preoccupation with the correctness or incorrectness of words has made us a nation of liars. We say that everything is okay because we’re scared witless of being labeled “hateful”. We refuse to verbalize in public the truth we all speak about privately: that some things are simply irresponsible, wicked and detrimental to society.

 The real irony in all this madness is that our collective obsession with words has failed to make us better people. Our society is no kinder and no gentler than it was thirty years ago. Our speech is no more uplifting now than it was then. It could, in fact, be argued that our use of words is far cruder and meaner now than it ever was. We’ve forgotten that change (even changing how we speak) cannot be commanded by decree. Authentic change comes from a transformed heart and only God can do that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, You Really Are Your Brother’s Keeper

Yes, You Really Are Your Brother’s Keeper

For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone.  Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification~ Romans 14:7 and 19 NIV

 I live in the state of Washington.

 The state of Washington is famous (some would say infamous) for many things, some of them magnificent, others less so. A few of those things include (but are not limited to) Nirvana, evergreen trees, coffee shops, the Space Needle, apples, rain, really great seafood, Jimi Hendrix, and of course legalized marijuana.

 Sadly, it’s marijuana that gets the most attention these days.

 Typically when I talk to people from outside the state we eventually end up in a ridiculous discussion about drug use in general, and marijuana use in particular.

 The conversation typically goes something like this:

 Them: “So, you’re from Washington State?”

 Me: “Yes.”

 Them: “So is it true you can, like, buy pot anywhere?”

 Me: (tired sigh) “well, not exactly. There are special stores where you can buy marijuana. You can’t get it at Wal-Mart yet. But, I’m sure that’s coming.”

 Them: “I hear there are lots of tax benefits to legalizing marijuana. I bet your schools and roads have improved a lot.”

 Me: (barely controlling an overwhelming impulse to roll my eyes) “Well, no. Actually the schools are pretty much just bad as they have always been and our roads have potholes roughly the same size as the craters on the moon. However, the riff-raff are taking over the state and our property taxes have gone up every year since marijuana was legalized. And fatal car crashes involving marijuana have more than doubled since it was legalized. Because of that our auto insurance rates have gone through the roof. So, I guess that’s something.”

 Them: “I sure wish my state would legalize marijuana.”

 Me: “Why on earth would you want that?”

 Them: “I just think people should be able to do whatever they want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.”

 At this point, one of two things typically happens. If I’m feeling charitable I tag out and go find someone rational to talk to. If I’m in a bad mood or feeling feisty, I challenge their thinking.

 I typically begin with the above-mentioned facts regarding taxes, car crashes and insurance rates. I follow all of that up with a few statistics concerning the countless social ills that inevitably follow drug legalization. I usually include some statistics on addiction rates to harder drugs and point out the problems our society already has with children stuck in an overburdened foster care system because their parents are too addicted and/or screwed-up to care for them.

 The other person typically snaps back with what they believe is the final and conclusive response to every point I have made thus far in the conversation:

 “Well, it’s not like any of us are our brother’s keeper. Those are not my problems. Why should I be denied the “right” to use marijuana recreationally and responsibly just because some people move on to harder drugs or use drugs and drive.”

 At this point if my sweet husband happens to be within earshot he places his hand gently on my arm and attempts to lead me away from the unfortunate chump who is about to get an earful of my feelings on this subject. He knows that I do believe we all are to one degree or another our brother’s keeper. Each and every one of us has a sacred duty to look after the health and well being of the other seven billion souls who live on this planet whether we feel like it or not and this is not just about marijuana or drug legalization.

 It’s about a little thing we call “being human”.

 Decent people voluntarily set aside their own interests and avoid doing things that have the potential to hurt others or lead weak people astray. That is why past generations avoided things like smoking marijuana, cursing in public, using hard drugs, looking at porn in public spaces, and dumping their spouses for younger models. Not just because some of those things were unlawful but also because they had the good sense to understand that those things can and do cause harm to other people, especially children. And the culture was better off for it.

 Christians are called to an even higher level of “being human” than the rest of humanity. The Apostle Paul went so far as to suggest we give up eating meat and drinking wine if our eating and drinking causes another person to stumble. I for one believe our society could use a fresh dose of that kind of thinking.

 

 

 

Seriously, Some Things are Just Better

Seriously, Some Things are Just Better

Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are convinced of better things in your case—the things that have to do with salvation~ Hebrew 6:9

 Monday night I tuned into the news just in time to see a rather spirited interview with a woman who wants to have tax incentives for traditional (two parent) families eliminated from the U.S. tax code. This woman is convinced that tax incentives that encourage couples to marry before they have children are fundamentally unfair to “other kinds of families”.

 The man interviewing her (a somewhat conservative guy) appeared to be more than a bit perplexed by her logic (or lack thereof). He attempted to explain to her several times that those incentives were intentionally placed within the tax code to promote two parent families as anti-poverty and pro-family measures.

 After she snubbed his pointed attempts at dragging reason into the conversation, the interview devolved into a verbal cage match. He was on one side attempting to goad her into admitting out loud that some family structures are better than others, and should therefore be encouraged. She firmly stood her ground proclaiming repeatedly and vehemently that the current tax code is “unfair to other kinds of families”.

 The exchange (as fascinating as it was) left me feeling discouraged and peeved. My irritation was not simply due to the fact that the woman being interviewed appeared to be a clueless nitwit.  

 It was the bigger picture that bothered me and it’s still bothering me. In one sense, the woman has a valid point. It is clearly unfair for the tax code to promote and encourage certain kinds of families over other kinds of families. If fairness is always the end-all-be-all objective of everything, then tax incentives for those who are married with kids and not those who are single with kids is unfair and the practice ought to be stopped.

 But.

 Is fairness always the objective in every situation? Should fairness be the objective in this situation?

 I say “no” and “no”.

 There are bigger issues at play here than fairness. Those issues include (but are not limited to) the overall health of our society, which is demonstrably benefitted in a multitude of ways when people get married before they have kids and stay married afterward.

 But that whole thing was really nothing more than a side issue in my mind. The bigger picture that left me feeling peeved was the reality that we have devolved to a place where it is no longer tolerable to say that some things are better than others. Even when the facts clearly demonstrate that some things really are better than others.

 It’s not okay to say it’s better for kids to be raised in a two-parent home than by a single mom. It’s not okay to say that a committed marriage is better than hooking-up. It’s not okay to say that marriage is better than divorce. It’s not okay to say it’s better to help people (especially children) embrace the gender they were assigned at conception rather than help them to physically transform into a gender they can never really become from a genetic standpoint. It’s not okay to say that a religion that promotes peace and love is better than one that does not.

 Sigh.

 Even some Christians have bought into this silly drivel. We have become so convinced that God does a happy dance every time He sees us (no matter what we’ve been up to) that it is no longer okay to say that God unquestionably believes some things are better than other things. It’s not okay to say that going to church on Sunday mornings is better than going to brunch on Sunday mornings. It’s not okay to say that going to a Bible Study is better than going to a bar for a couple of drinks. It’s not okay to say that having sex in marriage is better than having sex outside of marriage.

 It’s not okay to say much of anything anymore (even in the church) unless, of course, our words are unswervingly positive and affirming.

 Insert eye roll here.

 The Bible makes it clear that some choices are better than others not because the people involved are better people, but rather because the choices have demonstrably better outcomes (Proverbs 16:8, Proverbs 28:6, Matthew 5:29, Mark 9:42, Romans 14:21, 1st Peter 3:17).

Until we grasp that fact, we really are in trouble.

 

Me, Myself and I Do

Me, Myself and I Do

People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God~ 2nd Timothy 3:2-4 NIV

 I was recently struck by a painful reality. The nature of the times we live in is such that the instant I dare to think I have finally seen it all, something new (and unimaginably bizarre) comes along and reminds me all over again that the human race never stops inventing crazy crap to do— and imaginative new ways to sin.

 My latest epiphany came in the form of a strange new movement: sologamy. Otherwise known as the act of marrying oneself.

 Seriously, it’s a real thing.

 There is a website (imarriedme.com) that sells kits for those folks (kits start at $50.00 and go as high as $230.00) interested in making the ultimate commitment to self-love. The individual making the promise to love him or her self till they breathe their last breath procures the kit and clothing befitting the occasion (some purchase wedding dresses or rent tuxedos). Guests are invited to observe as the person recites their vows while gazing into a handheld mirror. The service can be completed with or without a pastor or Justice of the Peace officiating. The vows are followed by a reception where the attending guests celebrate the happy individual and their promise to satisfy their own best interests above all others.

 Then, I suppose, (I have no actual data on this) the newly committed solagamist goes off on a solo honeymoon trip to memorialize their newly minted commitment and to get to know them-selves better.

 Sigh.  

 I struggled a little bit with where exactly to go with this post. On the one hand, the whole concept of marrying oneself is just a silly, frivolous and rather sad trend. It’s easy to argue that solagamy is really not significant enough to bother getting worked up over. It really is tempting to dismiss solagamy as just another weird example of 21st century self-indulgence run amok.

 Nevertheless, the trend of solagamy (and it is rapidly becoming a trend) says some significant and scary things about where we are at and where we are going as a culture.

 I will not lie; I find this peculiar trend troubling for a number of different reasons and on a number of different levels.

 The decadence of a ceremony that celebrates commitment to self-love leaves me with a skeezy, almost dirty, feeling. The uninhibited hedonism is disturbing. Then there’s the sad reality that marriage has been dumbed-down to a place where many in our culture sincerely believe that a wedding is just a big fancy party we throw for our own pleasure and an occasion to show-off our event planning skills. All that being said, mostly I just feel a soul-wrenching sadness that so many in our society have become so lonely and isolated that solo weddings are actually becoming an industry.

 Sigh.

 Sadly, it’s not just the world of romance and weddings that has been affected by our collective love affair with self. Instilling self-esteem (another term for self-love) in their children is now the number one concern of today’s parents, beating out almost every other parenting concern including teaching their kids right from wrong and ensuring that their children are educated well enough to enter the work force. It’s not just parents who are concerned with self-esteem. According to forbes.com, Americans spend a whopping eleven billion dollars on self-help and self-esteem books every year. We are encouraged in obvious-and not so obvious- ways to find ourselves, love ourselves and do right by number one, because if we don’t no one else will.

 All this self-adoration is a far cry from the biblical mandate to “lose yourself” (Luke 17:33) and the biblical call to put the interests of others above our own (Philippians 2:3, Romans 13:8). Self-worship (and that is what this is) is as different from “love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18, Mark 12:30-33) as cats are from kangaroos. The biblical mandate presupposes that we already think enough of our selves and care enough for ourselves to set a reasonable standard for how we ought treat others. The self-esteem movement assumes that we need to focus more attention on ourselves before we even begin to think about anyone else’s needs or wants.

 As Christians we may or may not be able to change the trajectory of our self-focused culture (2nd Timothy 3:2). However, we can model healthy self-care (a biblical concept) and show people that it is possible to be happy, fulfilled and cared for without having a romantic relationship with ones self.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Raise Kids Who Have a Conscience

How to Raise Kids Who Have a Conscience

Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it~ Proverbs 22:6 NKJV

The disturbing slaughter in Las Vegas last week caused me to think about a subject I rarely tackle in this blog: parenting. It struck me as I was watching the news that anytime there is a mass shooting the first thing we do is search for a motive to make sense of the senseless. If the killer is a minor we want to know if the killer was bullied by his peers or abused by his parents. If the shooter is an adult we want to know if the shooting was racially or religiously motivated. If those scenarios don’t fit, we search madly for something else to explain away the behavior of the killer: like a job loss or a mental illness.

 Stephen Paddock’s motivations are proving difficult to pin down. By all accounts he was financially secure, not obviously political, not obviously religious and apparently not angry about anything in particular. He was also seemingly in his right mind right up until the moment he opened fire on a crowd of strangers.

 Those facts make this mess much harder to sort out, until you look for the one denominator common to all mass shooters: a shocking absence of conscience.

 The Bible teaches that all humans are born into this world with a rudimentary conscience that bears witness to two simple truths. The first truth being that God is (Romans 1:19-20). The second is that some sins including murder, adultery and theft are universally wrong (Romans 2:14). The Bible teaches that a conscience can be seared or stunted by willful sin in adulthood, poor parenting in childhood and exposure to bad teaching or evil people (1st Corinthians 15:33, 1st Timothy 4:2, Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 29:17).

 The best time to develop a conscience and prevent the types of tragedies we saw this past week in Las Vegas is early childhood (Proverbs 22:6). Following are five simple strategies to help your child develop a conscience. Starting with:

 Teach your child to put the needs of others first- 1st Corinthians 10:24

 Many parenting programs place teaching children to put-up boundaries as the number one parenting priority. Kids do need to learn healthy boundaries, especially when it comes to inappropriate touching. Kids also need to understand that it’s okay to say “no” to a person who is taking advantage of them. However, sometimes “boundaries” is just another word for selfishness. In order to develop a healthy conscience children need to learn that everyone else is every bit as important and special as they are. This is achieved by teaching them to put other people first, taking turns, sharing when they don’t feel like it and speaking to others (including their parents) respectfully.

 Teach kids to fear God- Proverbs 1:7

 If you’re teaching your kids to love God, you are only doing half the job. Kids also need to understand that God is the all-powerful and all-knowing Creator of the universe and that He expects people to show their love for Him through obedience to His commands (John 14:15, John 14:23-24, Luke 11:28). Kids also need to know that there will come a day when God will judge all people for everything they do, both good and bad (Revelation 20:12-13). When kids understand these basic facts it incentivizes them to do right by other people.

Expect Gratitude- 2nd Timothy 3:1-3

 Not in a “you should be grateful I fed you today, you miserable little wretch” sort of way. That is simply never okay. However, there are times when kids need to be reminded to be grateful for the things other people work hard to provide. It’s also good to expose kids to people who are less fortunate than they are. Exposure to the less fortunate will make them compassionate, thankful people. Appreciative, kindhearted people do not open fire on crowds of strangers.

 Teach kids to think about how their words and actions affect others- Matthew 7:12

 Children do not naturally think of others, nor do they automatically comprehend how their actions affect others. Kids who are not taught to think of others tend to grow-up to be the type of people who call-in sick when they’re not sick, cheat on their spouse or commit crimes without thinking about how their behavior will affect others.

 Only praise actual achievement- Proverbs 14:25

 Kids do need to be encouraged. However, telling children they did something awesome when they did something ordinary is a lie that inflates their ego and causes them to think they are better and smarter than they really are. This creates an ideal breeding ground for pride and arrogance to take root in their hearts. Prideful, arrogant people rarely care about others and caring about others is the foundation for building a healthy conscience.

 I know absolutely nothing about Steven Paddocks childhood nor do I know how his conscience became seared to the point where he felt okay about opening fire on a crowd of strangers. I do know that normal people with healthy consciences simply do not do such things. I also know that teaching kids to care about others and to fear their Creator is the one thing we can all do to prevent tragedies like this one in the future.

 

 

Why the Football Players Who Refuse to Stand Are Not Civil Rights Heroes

Why the Football Players Who Refuse to Stand Are Not Civil Rights Heroes


I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, 
tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb~ Revelation 7:9 NIV

 This particular blog-post began in my mind as a seriously ugly rant against (among other things) my personal loathing of purely symbolic forms of protest. Most of my wrath was targeted at what I see as a stupid, futile and divisive effort to bring attention to the problem of racism in America. After some thought I concluded that the subjects of racism and protests against racism deserve a slightly more nuanced approach than an angry rant.

 So.

 I want to begin by saying that if there was ever something worthy of a protest its racism. Hating or discriminating against anyone because of his or her skin color is patently ridiculous, appallingly prideful, and seriously anti-Christian. Racism is not something that should be tolerated in Christian circles (more on that later) or in a civilized society.

 That said, some have compared the protests of the 1960’s to football players kneeling during the national anthem. There really is no comparison between the heroism of the Civil Rights Movement and the kneeling during the national anthem idiocy we see today.

 With a few notable exceptions (all of them white) the leaders of the Civil Rights Movement were severely marginalized people who lacked power, money, influence and options. There were literally no other alternatives open to them other than peaceful protest to draw attention to their plight. It’s also important to note that those protesters were not attempting to vilify their country or the people in it. They were simply striving to bring much-needed attention to some very real problems plaguing our country.

Furthermore, the Civil Rights Movement had an endgame in mind (i.e. an end to Jim Crow laws and the disenfranchisement of black voters). The leaders of the movement used protests in conjunction with legal action as they worked at a grassroots level to transform attitudes concerning race. Without question, the efforts of those brave men and women paid off, hearts and laws were changed and as a result America became a better country, not a perfect one, but certainly a better one.

 The football players protesting today are not marginalized poor people living out their lives on the fringes of society. They are in fact some of the wealthiest and most advantaged of all Americans (black or white). If they wanted to do something meaningful to solve the plethora of problems troubling the black community they certainly have the power, influence and financial resources to do almost anything they wanted to do.

 However, these bogus wanna-be’s do not appear to be interested in doing the actual work of becoming change agents. They simply want to bellyache about the issues in the most public, contentious and annoying way imaginable. To add insult to injury, they malign the nation and the people who have made them wealthy beyond reason for playing what is arguably just a really stupid game.

 Sigh.

 I do not begrudge anyone the right to express him or herself in any way they see fit. If overindulged football players want to kneel rather than stand during the anthem that is totally cool with me. That said, I will not be tuning in, nor will I be purchasing any overpriced football fan crap for my family this Christmas.

 But, I digress.

 The real issues here are two-fold.

 First, today’s protests are purely symbolic and I have no words for how much I despise pointless symbolism. The Civil Rights protests were not empty acts of symbolism. Protesters sought to bring attention to racial injustice by doing real things that impacted the cities where the protests took place in peaceable, but consequential ways. Kneeling during the anthem is the equivalent of telling a homeless person to “go, be warm and well fed” (James 2:16). Symbolic fits of melodrama do nothing to solve real problems and ultimately just spread dissension and pit Americans against each other (Proverbs 16:28). It’s simply wrong.

 I am convinced that God does not see skin color the way we see skin color. When God sees the variations in our skin tone He sees the beloved creation that He declared to be “very good” (Genesis 1:27-31). It’s our responsibility as Jesus followers to help our foolish and sin-sick world see the issues of our day the way God sees those issues. We do that by living our lives in a colorblind fashion and by pointing people back to the God who loves everyone and hates biases based on superficial and irrelevant things like skin color (James 2:1, 8-9).

 And by shunning purely symbolic forms of protest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living Courageously In a Scary World

Living Courageously In a Scary World

 God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord~ 2nd Timothy 1:7-8 NLT

 There is a lot to love about life in the 21st century.

 There simply are no words to express my fondness for the under appreciated and under celebrated miracles of indoor plumbing, Pinkberry frozen yogurt, antibiotics, instant coffee, electricity, central air, smartphones and pizza delivered right to my door.

 That said.

Living in the 21st century has done some damage to my ongoing love affair with life in the 21st century. There are situations common to modern life so far outside of human control that they are literally the stuff of nightmares. Things like earthquakes, church shootings, terrorist attacks, forest fires, school shootings, superbugs, category five hurricanes and random acid attacks. Then, in a class all his own, we have the pudgy, punk dictator hell-bent on using nuclear missiles to prove some absurd point that I’m not even sure he understands.

 Like I said, the stuff of nightmares.

 For Christians times are even scarier. On top of all the weird junk everyone else has to deal with, we have the added pressure of living in a culture that no longer respects Christians or the Christian faith. Many non-Christians are openly hostile not just to the truth of the claims of the Bible but also to Christian people. Christian bakers, printers, photographers and florists have lost thriving businesses because they refused to cave to the insane and ever-expanding demands of the LGBTQ culture. Even from within the church challenges to traditional biblical views and attacks on biblical authority have become routine. Christians who hold to traditional views on marriage, gender and sexuality are openly ridiculed and regularly scolded for being close-minded, hateful and hopelessly behind the times, no matter how gently and lovingly they state their opinions.

 Sigh.

 The never-ending stream of strange and scary news often leads to a sense of powerlessness and confusion. God has called His people to better things than confusion (1st Corinthians 14:33). The better things begin with following some basic do’s and don’ts for living courageously in scary times, beginning with the do’s…

 Do- Know what’s going on in the world so you can pray-

 Nothing frustrates me more than a Christian who won’t watch the news or read news stories because they believe that current events are simply too terrifying to face on a daily basis. Forgive my hardheartedness but boo-stinking-hoo. Fear is a wretched excuse for ignorance. Knowledge empowers us to pray for people and circumstances that urgently need God’s supernatural involvement. It’s also critical we remember that we will never change anything we remain deliberately ignorant of.

 Do-be a problem solver-

 Christians are commanded to get out there and let their light shine (Matthew 5:16, Mark 4:21). Getting out there looks different for different people. For some it might be as simple as repeatedly engaging in awkward conversations about what Christians believe with an unsaved neighbor or coworker who routinely spouts really weird ideas and strange philosophies. For others it might be as complicated as opening their home to an unwed mother or adopting a kid out of foster care. No one can solve every problem but everyone can make a difference in someone’s life.

 Do-rejoice that God has chosen you to live right now-

 Seriously, it’s an honor. The God of the universe has selected you and me to represent Him at one of the most complicated and bizarre moments in history. That is a high, holy and freaking awesome calling no one should shy away from for any reason (Esther 4:14).    

 Now for the don’ts…

 Don’t-live in fear-

 Believers are commanded to fear nothing and no one but God (Joshua 1:9, Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 27:3, Psalm 34:9). I am convinced that the key to managing fear and anxiety is prayer (Philippians 4:6). When feelings of fear for the future take over, take those feelings to God. When we take our worries to God consistently (consistency, really, is the key) He empowers us to experience hardship and difficulty with less fear.

 Don’t-be a jerk-

 I know it’s tempting, but the world has enough of them already. Find a nice way to say hard things and commit yourself to loving people even if they don’t deserve it.

 One last do…

 Do not forget that God has a plan in all of this-

God is not caught off guard by all the outrageous stuff going on in the world right now. Rather, He is using it to get the attention of distracted and disobedient people who have drifted away from Him and His truth in every sense imaginable. He’s calling Christians to show His love, speak His truth, and be His hands and feet to those people.

 It’s a high, holy and freaking awesome calling.

 Embrace it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Ugly Truth About Hypocrisy

The Ugly Truth About Hypocrisy

Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good~ 1st Peter 2:1-3

 A couple of months back I was watching a news story that was covering a bizarrely violent protest taking place in California. I was curious (to say the least) about the tactics of the protesters, which led me to do a bit of research on the organizations the protesters belonged to. I learned that the organizations in question (ANTIFA, Refuse Fascism, End Fascism) are devoted to ending all forms of racism, fascism and hate-speech in America.

 A noble and commendable goal, all things considered.

 Paradoxically, these groups deliberately employ fascist methods and strategies including physical violence, hate speech, victim blaming and racist (anti-white) rhetoric. They engage in fascism, violence, hate speech and racism in order to end fascism, racism and hate speech.

 Insert confused face here.

 At the time, I remember thinking that only a lunatic would attempt to stop something by engaging in the very thing they claim they want to end. But, after some thought it occurred to me that it wasn’t lunacy motivating that particular situation. It was something far more fundamental, malevolent and dangerous than simple lunacy: hypocrisy.

 Jesus had a lot to say about hypocrisy and none of it was pleasant (Matthew 6:1-16, Matthew 7:5, Matthew 23:13-33, Luke 12:56, Luke 13:14-16). Jesus treated hypocrites and hypocrisy with such utter contempt because He understood a couple of truths at the heart of hypocrisy that we (as beings that tend toward hypocrisy) tend to overlook.

 First, hypocrisy spreads like a virus, especially when it begins with leadership. Anytime a leader (parent, pastor, politician, supervisor) takes a hypocritical position on a subject, or chronically behaves in a hypocritical fashion, everyone who follows that leader is tempted or deceived into taking the same position and behaving just like their leader. Sadly, anyone who follows a hypocritical leader eventually becomes a mirror image of that leader.

 Jesus hates hypocrisy because it robs people of self-awareness and causes them to call good evil and evil good (Isaiah 5:20). If people tell themselves that wrong is right, or at least right for them (because their circumstances are special) often enough or long enough they begin to believe their own lie and end up doing things they never could have imagined themselves doing, as they are instructing others not to do the very things they are doing.

 Sigh.

 The hypocrisy that has taken root in anti-fascist circles is more than just a humorous case study in irony; it’s a cautionary tale for us all, especially followers of Jesus. Christians sometimes write off hypocrisy as nothing more than a quirky personality trait, or worse yet, as a legitimate means to a needed end. In reality it’s a serious sin that grows out of pride (another serious sin) that is nurtured by a willful lack of self-awareness. If left alone hypocrisy ruins not only the hypocrite but also everyone around the hypocrite.

 Sadly, no one (no matter how spiritually mature) is immune to the appeal of hypocrisy. It is simply a part of our fallen nature as humans to imagine that we can trick everyone around us (including God) into believing that we are doing what we say we are doing-instead of what we are actually doing. In the end the only one who is fooled is the hypocrite.

 As a general rule I am extremely wary about hunting for sin in the lives of other people. Most of us (including myself) have more than enough sin in our own lives to worry about; we simply should not be focusing our attention on anyone else’s sinful stuff. That being said, Jesus warned His followers that deception would be one of the defining characteristics of the end times (Matthew 24, Luke 21:5-36, Mark 13:1-23). Hypocrisy is deception that begins with an attempt to deceive others and ends with self-deception, hypocrisy is also at the root of almost every kind of evil. Because of that, Christians should deal ruthlessly with any hypocrisy they see in their own lives and run as fast as they can from any leader who is transparently hypocritical.

 Hypocrisy destroys individuals, families, churches, relationships and entire movements. Hypocrisy of Christians has done more damage to Christianity than any other single issue in the 2000-year history of the church. Any behavior that can do that much damage should be dealt with decisively and mercilessly.